how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
