i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Randomize
