If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
