Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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