Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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