She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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