The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
