I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
