you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
