Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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