So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Someone shattered a urinal.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
