You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
