11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
apparently the secret to your success is patron
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
