whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
