you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
