Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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