Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
