If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
