You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
