it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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