i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
