I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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