Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
