good thing vaginas are great cup holders
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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