I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
