I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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