Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize