took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
