What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
