you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
