I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
