No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
