Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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