I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
