Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
