I am puke
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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