and next time when you feel me up, do it right
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
