meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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