somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
