I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
