He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had to cum in my sink.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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