I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
either way he was missing a nipple.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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