Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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