haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
