my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
