She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
