is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
