I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
