so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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