I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
handjob tips. give me some.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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