So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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