Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
