My sheets look like a crime scene.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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