Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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