I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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