i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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