morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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