But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
