Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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