You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
